Dating a biexual
For those of us who are bisexual, it is absolutely not a phase. Don’t invalidate a fundamental part of our identity by telling us we’re "confused."This happens to me all the time — most often, with gay men.
When I tell them I'm bi, I get this pitiful look, which is often accompanied with something along the lines of, "Oh, don't worry, honey, you'll get there." I get it. If you honestly believe that bisexual men are just horndogs, then you need to reevaluate what you value in your partnerships. We’re not bi because we want to bone everything with a hole.
My ex and I had many differences that made us incompatible, but our different orientations were hardly the reason we split.
In actuality, our orientations slightly overlapped. Like a Venn diagram, our relationship existed in the purple area between his bisexual red and my gay blue. I could attempt to rationalize my cheating and say that I did it because I thought, as a bisexual, he would rebound fast with a girl or hit his (larger) playing field with a vengeance. I cheated because I was horny, and I lied about it because I didn’t want him to know, and by telling him the truth — months after the fact, and long overdue — I hurt him deeply.
Oh, and no: we necessarily don’t live for threesomes, so please, stop asking.
At most, it’s evidence that the cheater is not presently cut out for monogamous dating. We’re too scared to swing the door all the way open with a fabulous “We’re here!After years of struggling with my sexual orientation, I thought everything would fall into place the moment I accepted and loved myself for being bi. I can now date people of all genders, I remember thinking to myself. Having met very few out bisexual men in real life, I hadn’t formed any beliefs about bi guys myself, and given our lack of representation in the media, I didn’t know that both straight women and gay men have numerous preconceptions about dating bi men. Yes, some gay men have used "bisexual" as a fleeting label on the way to gaytown, and that’s OK.For the first time in a long time, I was excited about the future. Here are some of the false misconceptions I’ve heard about male bisexuality since I came out as bi over a year ago — and why they’re not based in any truth, at least in my case. But just because you know a few gay men who used the label as a pit stop, that doesn’t mean we all do.So the action of watching doesn’t necessarily translate to a prediction of what someone is going to do later.And even if someone (of any orientation) does want to go out and meet that desire, if they’re a good partner, they will talk to you about it first and see what you’re willing to accommodate.
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Late one night, in a parking lot, after spending an angry hour on the phone, I made a decision that was an act of mercy for both of us: I decided never to speak to him again. Sure, he may have technically had more options than me.